One year ago...

Actually, I have to go back quite a bit further than a year ago. I have to go back to when I was 6 years old and my life changed forever. After being the baby of the family for 6 years, my mom announced she was having another baby. And thus, my baby brother, Scott, was born. I was not thrilled about this new addition. Not only was he in my territory as the baby, but he was a BOY! I was now stuck in between 2 brothers! As Scott got older (and we fought like cats and dogs) the matter became more difficult because he added more "little brothers" to the mix. One new "little brother" that he introduced was Nate. Nate's family lived right behind us through a field. Scott & Nate spent countless hours together, which is why I felt like I had not just one, but two little brothers. (To tell you the truth, I actually liked Nate more because he wasn't as obnoxious and would actually go home at the end of the day. Scott just stuck around.) Over time, these "little brothers" grew on me. They became like real brothers to me. Time passed, they got older, but they always remained good friends. Scott & Nate remained best friends through school, graduation, jobs, etc. Eventually, they both got married and not only did they remain best friends, but their wives, Tiff & Jenni, because best friends as well.

It was amazing to watch them get married, have children of their own, etc. I was always grateful to get to see Nate and Jenni and their little family at different family gatherings. I was immediately drawn to Jenni and her smile, her contagious laugh, her sarcasm, and her easy going nature. She was always so fun to be around. She was a great wife to Nate and a wonderful mother. I was so happy to see that my adopted "little brother", Nate, had found such a wonderful woman to be his wife.

Fast forward to a year ago this week. Jenni was expecting their 4th child, a boy. A year ago yesterday, she started having problems breathing. What a blessing it was that Nate just happened to be home on a break from work when this happened. He called 911 but things went downhill quickly. We found out later that Jenni had a very rare complication called an amniotic fluid embolism. The amniotic sack had somehow torn, releasing amniotic fluid into her system which cause her lungs to fill with fluid which is why she couldn't breathe. Every effort was made to save her and baby Broden, but they were unable to save them. A year ago today, Jenni and baby Brody returned to their Heavenly Father.

When I heard the news, I was in complete shock. I could not stop crying. I was surprised at my own reaction because I wasn't incredibly close to Jenni. And yet, the grief I was feeling was overwhelming to me. As I pondered why, I quickly came to realize that I was having this reaction because of two things.

First, I immediately began thinking as a mother. My thoughts turned to her sweet 8, 6 and 2 year old children and how they could possibly go forward without their mom. Jenni was an incredible hands-on mom. Her children were everything to her. My first thought was, "How did she leave them this morning when they went to school?" I think I thought this because I knew that I had had a particulary hairy morning with my own kids. I had been impatient, yelled, hurried them along, and sent them to school. It tore me up inside to think of how I would feel if this was the last interaction that I had with my own children. I immediately prayed that Jenni's last morning with her children had been good. That she had been kind to them and not rushed them out the door like I had that morning. Knowing Jenni, I'm sure her kids went to school that day with no question that their mom loved them. I made a very serious pledge to myself at that very moment that I would never again send my kids to school in the morning or to bed at night with them feeling like I was too busy, too rushed, impatient, or angry. I can honestly say that this has been a life changing committment. One that I would challenge any mother to. No matter how stressful the morning rush is (and it is usually very stressful), I have made the effort every day to take a deep breath, think of Jenni, and take the time to tell them that I love them, to have a good day, and try to have those last few minutes be peaceful and happy. Someday, I will be able to tell Jenni thank you for this priceless gift. It has changed my relationship with my children and made me a better mother.

The second reason I feel that I reacted so much to Jenni's death is because I thought of my sweet "little brother", Nate. It broke my heart into a million pieces to think of his grief, his sadness, and his loss. I wanted to rewind the clock back to simpler times and could just picture him and Scott running back and forth through the field between our homes. To them playing Hot Wheels, and army guys, and Dukes of Hazard. It hurt so much to think of the pain he was now going through. He was only 29 years old and now had the daunting task of being a single father to 3 young children. I cried and cried that day for sweet Nate.

After Jenni's death, we decided to try and help in any way we could. So, we organized a benefit concert/carnival to help raise money for Nate and his family. It was a ton of work, time, energy, and commitment. And I can truly say that it was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I met truly wonderful people, made new friends, and overall tried to turn something so devastating and awful into a celebration. I was so happy that Nate was right there with us to help us with things. I hope that helped him. Through this event, I became closer to my own little brother, Scott and his wonderful wife, Tiffany. Previous to this, we had had our ups and downs. I remember right before this all happened that we weren't on the best of terms, for really silly and insignificant things. But working shoulder to shoulder with Scott and Tiff through this event, completely changed everything. We all saw each other in a different light. I know I had a newfound respect and love for them. I ached for Tiff as she was also pregnant and going through the unimaginable loss of her best friend. She was a trooper through it all and was a tru rock for Jenni's kids. I know with no doubt that Tiff and her true love for Jenni's kids brought them so much comfort and peace in the days following their mother's death. She stepped in where Jenni would have been. it was an amazing experience to work with them. I will be forever grateful for this experience and the way it has changed my relationship with my little brother. I am grateful that because of this, Tiffany is now one of my best friends. Again, I will someday thank Jenni for this.

So today, 1 year later, I am truly grateful for the gifts of sweet Jenni Pemberton and her sweet baby Brody. Even after death, they left priceless lessons and gifts for us. Nate and Jenni were supposed to be sealed in the temple as a family a few weeks after Jenni died. This seemed so strange that she died right before they were supposed to be sealed in the temple. But this did not deter them. They still went through the temple and were able to be sealed as a family, including Jenni and Brody. What a blessing! My thoughts and prayers continue to go out to Nate, Dakota, Sequoya, and Theoryn. I am so grateful to know that my "little brother", Nate and his sweet family is an eternal family and that they will all be together again some day. They WILL see Jenni and Brody again and they WILL be a family. Thank you Jenni for being the incredible example of a mother, wife, friend, and person. And thank you for the impact you have made on my life for the good.