Looking back 7 years ago...

As I was driving the kids home from school today, I asked them what they learned. For the first time, they brought up the attacks from 9/11. They spoke about it somewhat non-chalantly like they were just talking about another topic they learned in history. And then it dawned on me that this is how they will always know about this horrific event. When I speak of the Vietnam war, it really isn't with any personal emotions because to me, it is a piece of history I never experienced...it is the same with my children. I am grateful that they don't remember that awful day. But it saddens me that they live in a world that is post 9/11 because everything changed that day.

I realized that I have never really documented what that day was like for me. I will do my best to remember.

On the morning ot September 11. 2001, I woke up feeling like it was just another normal day. It was a beautiful clear autumn day in Meridian, Idaho. Rob had gone to work and I was up with Cayden and I was getting ready to teach preschool. Cayden was watching Teletubbies just like every morning. He was only 20 months old. I kept looking out my window waiting for my preschoolers to come, but oddly enough, no one had shown up yet which I thought was strange. The phone then rang and it was my friend Angela Webb who's son was in my preschool class. She asked if I was still having preschool that day and I told her I didn't know why we wouldn't. That is when she said, "Marci, have you not been watching the news? The United States in under attack." I immediately switched the channel and saw those horrific images of planes crashing into buildings, etc. I remember that there was so much confusion and as a few of my preschool moms showed up, we were all so concerned and shocked. No one knew if there were more attacks to come. No one knew if we were safe. I immediately thought of Rob's safety. I figured that if Idaho was going to get hit, that Micron would be a pretty optimal target. After a lot of discussion amongst us very worried moms, I decided we should do preschool and keep things as 'normal' as possible for these children that had no idea what was going on. So we did.

I called Rob a lot that day to make sure he was up to date and safe. I remember being on the phone with him when the towers came down. I was horrified. I made sure all of my family, especially those who traveled a lot, were safe and sound. I checked to make sure that some friends that worked at the Pentagon were also safe, which they were. And I cried. A lot.

But the most memorable part of that day came from a 20 month old little boy. Cayden was one of the most carefree, happy, sensitive, sweet little babies you had ever seen. He was the definition of "happy-go-lucky." It was very rare for him to be in a bad mood. I purposely kept the volume down on the TV that day but kept it turned on so I could follow the latest news. As the day went on, I noticed Cayden getting more and more out of sorts. He became very unsettled and grumpy and irritated. I honestly began to think that he was sick. At age 20 months he couldn't tell me what was wrong and I didn't know how to help him. This went on for quite some time. I was trying to snuggle with him and console him but he wanted nothing to do with that. I finally just put him down on the ground. He immediately crawled over to the TV, pulled himself up to it, and started hitting the screen with his little hand and crying. It hit me like a ton of bricks that this sweet little spirit knew exactly the evils that had happened that day. He didn't need to hear the news reports. He didn't need to know the details. His little spirit was in distress because of the pure evil of the acts of that day. I quickly turned off the TV, scooped him up in my arms, and he immediately was calm and fine. I didn't turn the TV back on until he had gone down for his nap and made sure it was never on when he was in the room. It was one of the most memorable experiences of my life.

In addition to this, I was also pregnant...with twins. I remember feeling so conflicted that day about bringing children into this world that was so unsettled and tumultuous. In the days and weeks following the attacks, I became more and more anxious about it and what the future would hold for me and my little family. One day, I was sitting in church and we sang "We Thank Thee O God for a Prophet." which I had sung a thousand times. But this time was different. As we sang the second verse, I realized that this was the answer to my prayers asking to feel at peace. Since that day, I have remembered the words to this song whenver I feel unsure or worried about the world in which we live.

Here are the words:

When dark clouds of trouble hang o'er us,

And threaten our peace to destroy,

There is Hope smiling brightly before us,

And we know that deliv'rance is nigh;

We doubt not the Lord nor his goodness,

We've proved him in days that are past;

The wicked who fight against Zion

Will surely be smitten at last.