Update and photos of baby Jaxson

I wanted to get some more photos up of our sweet new baby boy. He is such a darling baby and we all are in love with him!

I also wanted to give a quick update on how things are going. First, we want to say a huge thank you to so many who have sent their well wishes, prayers, calls, etc. during our bumpy beginning with Jaxson. We appreciate it more than you can know.

So, here is the status on things:
-Jaxson is doing great. He is healthy and sweet and a beautiful baby. At first, he wasn't doing too well on the eating front and having a hard time swallowing without a lot of air and not eating too much. But he has quickly figured out not only how to eat, but that he likes to eat! He is so tiny (for one of my babies) so I am glad to see him eating. He still sleeps a lot and is pretty content. Our first night home was VERY hairy with both him and Sadie waking up. Last night was a little better. It is amazing how, with a newborn, 3 hours of consecutive sleep feels like a lifetime! All moms know what I am talking about.
-Sadie is still pretty miserable with a mouth full of yucky blisters from this stupid hand, foot, mouth disease that she got. The good news is that her fever is gone so she has her appetite back. The bad news is that her mouth still hurts so much that she wants to eat but can't. It is excruciating to watch her be hungry and just cry and point and say "mouf" (mouth) because she wants to eat. We hope this ends soon. She slept better last night so that is hopeful.
-Just as Sadie is getting to the tail end of this awful illness, it appears Ashlee has now got it. She complained of not feeling well tonight and when I looked, she had a little blister on the corner of her lip. You have GOT to be kidding me! We are praying with all the faith we have that the other kids won't get it and that Ashlee will have a much milder case because she is older. We are completely converting to all paperwear so we can throw away everything after we eat. Because this is a viral disease, there is really nothing to do but wait it out. So much for pawning off any of our kids right now.
-Rob is holding up okay. I'm sure he is exhausted and ready for life to return to 'normal' - whatever that is. I think he is just happy that Sadie is finally starting to feel better.
-On my health update, it is still not great. My leg continues to hurt all the time due to the blood clots aka phlebitis. I have to wear these lovely stockings that are a real pain, but are supposed to help. I still can't walk really well at all and can't carry Jaxson while walking, especially on the stairs. The first night I was home, I apparently was more weak than what I thought and Rob had to literally catch me 3 times as I was blacking out. It was not a good feeling. I have had a few more spells like that so I usually have Rob nearby when I am feeling dizzy or doing the stairs. I am going in tomorrow to my OB to have my blood pressure and leg checked. According to my home BP monitor, my BP is still very high, even on medication. We'll see what it shows tomorrow. We don't know why it is contintuing to stay high, but I don't like it. I am still really swollen and puffy because of it and it worries me a lot, as it does Rob. In addition, to make it more "fun" my back is killing me. We knew this would probably be the case, but I was really hoping it wouldn't be so bad. To sum up, as Rob puts it, I am a mess.

When I started this blog, I promsied that I would be 100% honest and not "sugar coat" anything. It is my forum to share our lives, both the ups and downs. So I apologize if I have been a "downer" lately. It is amazing how your physical well being has a direct impact on your mental and emotional well being. So please pardon the ventings of an emotionally and physically drained mom.

To sum it up...I feel completely depleted at the moment. I think most moms can relate to how it feels right after having a baby. There really is no other feeling like it. I honestly struggle with it a lot and have struggled after each baby I have had. My hormones feel like they are completely whacked out, I am a weepy emotional mess, and I just feel lousy. I truly hate how I feel after having a baby. I know a lot of it is post pardom depression and "baby blues" and I just do not like feeling so out of control with my emotions. To be honest, I have had more crying emotional breakdowns in the last few days than in the last few years combined.

I know there is a purpose and reason to everything. I know that in the grand scheme of things, I will probably look back and understand the "why's" of things. But right now, while in the moment, I have a hard time with it. I have pretty much been in constant pain with my back this whole pregnancy as well as being "morning sick" the whole 9 months. I have tried to push through that and do the best I could. But then at the beginning of June, I came down with an awful case of what appeared to be the "swine flu". I have never been so sick in my life and am honestly still recovering from the effects of it. Add to that, some toxemia just for fun. So for the past few weeks, I have been dealing with that. I really thought that these "challenges" for me would be over once I had the baby. So it has really hit hard to not only still be dealing with all of those issues, but now adding a blood pressure issue, the normal post-pregnancy "recovery" issues, and this horrible pain in my legs due to blood clots that won't be going away any time soon. I am constantly in some sort of pain and sometimes it all hits at once. I have great pain meds from the doctor, but I can't take them because they knock me out and I can't function. So I continue to be in a lot of pain all of the time. In addition to having a very sick 22 month old and now another sick child. Yep, pretty much emotionally and physically drained and depleted at this moment.

Through it all, I am still trying to see the positives in things. They are what I try to focus on, even though that is hard. So, here are a few.
-My 3 older kids have been stellar through all of this. They have been SO good and very self sufficient and have become quite a great team of 3. Tonight, they all pitched in and cleaned the downstairs and did so with no grumbling or complaining. They have become quite good little friends through all of this. Tonight, they sat at the bar and went through the Hymn book and wrote down the words of their favorite Hymns.
-Rob has been able to be home. I can honestly say that I would NOT be able to even function right now if Rob wasn't home. I am so eternally grateful for this man and the incredble person he is. He just carries the load while I can't and I continually pray for him to have an added measure of strength, patience, and energy. He amazes me on a daily basis. Not only is he having to take care of the kids, including a very sick little girl, but a wife who is a mess. I am not looking forward to when he has to go back to work. I pray that things will be better by then.
-My ward is bringing meals into us which is a huge help! It is so comforting to know that task is being taken care of. I physically could not do it right now and it is such a comfort to know that it is one less thing for Rob to try and manage. My family has also been a great help with meals and help. I wouldn't have made it through the first few days in the hospital without my parents and my brother, Jay.

-Out of all of this, we have a sweet new baby boy. Jaxson has already brought so much love to our home. A new baby just carries that special spirit with them because they are so new from Heaven. He is a valiant little spirit and I love looking into his wise dark eyes and talking to him. He is a special little guy and we love him so much.Getting weighed - 7 lbs 11 oz - SO tiny for one of my babies!

I am so glad my parents made it in time for Jaxson to be born. This is my mom - the proud grandma. Jaxson is their 31st grandbaby.

I LOVE this photo of Jaxson and my dad. Just the two of them having a deep conversation.

The proud daddy! I love seeing Rob with our babies. He is such a big guy and seeing him hold a tiny baby is just priceless!

Yep, he is Rob's son. Look at those fingernails!

First bath. He did not like the bath part but loved getting his hair washed.

Jaxson & McKell

FINALLY...a little brother for Cayden! My 2 sweet boys!

Ashlee's face says it all - she is just goofy in love with her new baby brother!

My "welcome sign" to my room. I had amazing nurses at the hospital. What a blessing!

This is what Rob had to do to entertain Sadie. She wasn't feeling well when they came to visit us, so he kept his distance with her. He even had to resort to the rubber glove balloon tricks!

Jaxson and his Uncle Jay. Jay was so sweet and helpful while I was in the hospital. He gave Jaxson the cute little bear in the picture.

All dressed up and ready to go home.

Sadie didn't even want to look at Jaxson the first time she came to the hospital. But when they came to bring us home from the hospital, she heard Jaxson cry for the first time and has been amazed by him ever since. She is so sweet and says over and over again, "Hi baby...Hi baby" She loves seeing his toes, his fingers, his head, etc. She already loves her baby brother.

Rob FINALLY gets to hold his little boy! Aside from the day he was born, Rob wasn't able to be with me at the hospital because Sadie was so sick at home. It was wonderful to finally let him hold his baby boy.

"Mr. Amazing" - Uncle Jay gave him this shirt. He looks so cute in it!

Wide awake and looking out the window. Such a wise little man!